i know it’s been several minutes, hours, weeks, and months since my last post. truth is… there’s a lot going on in my life. i’ve got plenty to say and i will definitely share in the next coming weeks and months. …stay tuned!
first, i want to share this… for the last few months i contemplated moving out of my first home, getting a renter, and buying a second place. i struggled with the thought of allowing someone, a stranger, to live in the one place i’ve lived in alone and belonging solely to me.
as i taped my final box and prepared for my last night in my first home i was overcome with a stream of emotions. would he or she appreciate each piece of hardwood as i did? would the unharmed walls remain immaculate? would the pang of the heat or A/C turning on sound the same to him or her? i doubt it but i had to let go of the thought of someone renting my place loving it as much as i have. there is a ton of attachment to these walls. this was MY VERY FIRST HOME!!
as i looked out of my bedroom door, i saw a sea of boxes covering my normally spotless, now cluttered home. a true indication of the life i had and all I have done in the last 8 1/2 years. i walked in with a couch and a kitchen table. i realized i was leaving with a life i didn’t know i’d have… leaving as a respectable professional who worked her way up and has become someone’s boss. i’m independent and focused. i’ve got a great circle of friends. i’ve acquired a strong support system with people i would have never thought would turn out to be my “go to gang” and i’ve maintained the most important friendships i’ve ever had…
There are so many memories in these walls… Good and bad
- i fell in and out of love here
- i liked and unliked here
- i followed and unfollowed here
- i lost loved ones while here …my grandma Mamie, grandpa Dan, my aunt Ann
- my best friend’s dad passed away too
- my man friend lost his mom as well
- i shed many tears here
- i wiped away many tears as well
- i laughed with friends as we recapped the night before by each of us telling our side of the story, piecing together the same events
- i recovered from the worst migraine of my life here
- i helped plan several weddings here
- i reluctantly walked in with maid of honor and bridesmaids dresses i was forced to buy here
- i hung out with my nephews (they were 9 and 3 when i moved in, now they are 17 and 11)
- i babysat my many godchildren here
- my first and last attempt to cook fried chicken happened here (golden brown on the outside but raw on the inside, hence why it was my first and last attempt)
- i received many flower deliveries
- i received birthday wishes
- i sang happy birthday to others as well
- i listened to my friend the night he showed up in tears here
- i had hundreds of conversations about life and love here
- i weathered big snow storms here
- i scared myself by setting off my alarm countless times here
- i made friends with my super cool (Jason Bourne-type) neighbor
- i despised the two obnoxious neighbors above
- i ended several friendships here
- i rekindled a few friendship’s here as well
- i ended a long term relationship here
- i wrote an uncountable amount of letters, emails, messages, thoughts here
many, many memorable moments here…
there was the time, shortly after having LASIK surgery, that i thought i was blind because i accidentally rubbed my eye. i cried for what seemed to be hours over my “blindness” only to realize i hadn’t opened my eye…
there was the time i decided to put together furniture and became so frustrated that i began to sweat uncontrollably and nearly had a meltdown because i didn’t understand why the piece didn’t fit like the picture. turns out, i had the wrong piece.
there was the time i kept my best friend on the phone for hours talking about the randomness of my life and he stayed on the phone until i was ready to go to sleep. he listened to me talk about a visit i had with a psychic although he didn’t believe a word and i thought i knew where my life was headed. nothing said to be was true… i never went back
there was the time i decided to write down my dreams so i could remember them only to realize i was just recapping the day before.
there was the time i thought there was a gunfight outside my window… my reaction was to dive on the floor to avoid the gunshots and move to my other bedroom using my elbows and legs similar to what they do in military bootcamp (i watch a lot of television) only to discover, during a conversation with my neighbor several days later, that the “gunfight” was just kids lighting up fireworks across the street…
these walls were good to me.
the laughs were loud and abundant.
the tears were genuine, painful, and (sometimes) joyous.
this was my safe haven.
my peaceful place.
this was where i discovered myself.
where I became who I am.
i walked through the door unsure of who i was, not really knowing my worth as a woman quite yet, not sure of where i was headed professionally or personally. i walked out of the door for the last time a confident, successful, strong, and cleverly funny (that’s how i like to think people see my humor) woman…a BOSS!! comfortable in my skin and who i have become.
in the words of Drake…NWTS including me