have you ever gone out of your way to help a family member, friend, or stranger and they didn’t say thank you or show any signs of gratitude?  remember that time you let a friend borrow money with the promise of them repaying you two days later only for those two days to come and go with you having to ask for your money back?  do you remember how you felt after realizing they weren’t thankful and made you feel like you were asking to borrow money from THEM when you asked for YOUR money back?

the truth is rarely pure and simple
so go live your truth… whatever that may be and know it belongs solely to you because we are all unique in the way we move through the ebbs and flows of our so-called life. livlovelaugh-SIG

i know it’s been several minutes, hours, weeks, and months since my last post.  truth is… there’s a lot going on in my life.  i’ve got plenty to say and i will definitely share in the next coming weeks and months. …stay tuned!

first, i want to share this… for the last few months i contemplated moving out of my first home, getting a renter, and buying a second place.  i struggled with the thought of allowing someone, a stranger, to live in the one place i’ve lived in alone and belonging solely to me.

as i taped my final box and prepared for my last night in my first home i was overcome with a stream of emotions.  would he or she appreciate each piece of hardwood as i did?  would the unharmed walls remain immaculate?  would the pang of the heat or A/C turning on sound the same to him or her?  i doubt it but i had to let go of the thought of someone renting my place loving it as much as i have.  there is a ton of attachment to these walls.  this was MY VERY FIRST HOME!!

as i looked out of my bedroom door, i saw a sea of boxes covering my normally spotless, now cluttered home.  a true indication of the life i had and all I have done in the last 8 1/2 years. i walked in with a couch and a kitchen table. i realized i was leaving with a life i didn’t know i’d have… leaving as a respectable professional who worked her way up and has become someone’s boss.  i’m independent and focused.  i’ve got a great circle of friends.  i’ve acquired a strong support system with people i would have never thought would turn out to be my “go to gang” and i’ve maintained the most important friendships i’ve ever had…

There are so many memories in these walls… Good and bad

Friendship.

Who really knows what that means until they are faced with challenges, let downs, broken hearts, and unknowns…

Ever since high school there has been one friend who has ALWAYS been there. He has never sugar-coated his words, never tried to protect me from the truth. His sincerity has taught me the importance of honesty. His integrity has taught me the importance of staying true to myself. His consistency has taught me to become my dreams. His unconditional love and support has taught me the true value of friendship. I am thankful to have such a great friend and extension of support beyond my family.

i have a great friend who, by every definition, is truly my best friend.  he means more to me than i will ever be able to express with words or actions. he has been in my life for over half of my life and has been around for all of the ebbs and flows…  he’s heard me cry (too many times to count), he’s heard me laugh uncontrollably, he’s seen my most sincere smile and heard my most protected thoughts.  i love him dearly because he has never judged me…even when i was wrong (which was often).  he always answered my call…even after i hung up on him (because i didn’t want to hear the truth).  he’s irreplaceable and i miss him when we go through growing pains and don’t speak for weeks or months…

I was kissed at birth, or some random moment in life prior to age 12, with the omen of migraines thanks to my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and quite possibly my great-great grandmother.  I think it’s great to inherit things from your family…  I think it sucks when those things end up being migraines.  Make that up to 25 migraines per month.  Along with the migraines are various medications.  There was the one that made me sleepy almost immediately…  The one that temporarily paralyzed me…YES, I SAID PARALYZED!!! I couldn’t move for a few hours so I cried myself to sleep.  Then there was the one that made me sick to my stomach. Let’s not forget the one that makes people skinny…that would be great IF I was one who actually needed to lose weight.  Oh, and the one that I was told to take AFTER the other one didn’t work.  Needless to say, it all gets old…quick. A drawer full of pills I refuse to take.

I hate it when people down play migraines like it’s “just a headache” without knowing what it’s like to live with them. It’s not fun…ever! The pain can be unbearable. Getting through a day at the office can be torture. There are times I want to yank out the side of my head that hurts or, perhaps, bang the other side against a wall to possibly numb the constant throbbing.  I’m not saying this is a rational thought … I’m saying it’s my thought in the eye of a migraine.

If you don’t understand what I’m saying, do me a favor… Imagine having a conversation and you begin to stutter because your mouth is moving quicker than your brain can process your thoughts… Imagine standing up from a chair and you have to catch yourself because your balance of off… Imagine constantly feeling like someone is banging your head with a hammer as you walk… Imagine feeling the pain travel all over your head… Imagine having blurred vision and you don’t quite understand why so you blink your eyes over and over again thinking there’s gotta be something covering your eyes…

Imagine all that happening at once but it gets worse…. Now, there’s a numbness moving along the left side of your body. Your arms and legs are tingling and cold.   Your face begins to slouch on the left side…it’s going numb as well.  You can feel the tingling move from your ear to the center of your face.  As it moves, your face heats up like you are sitting by an open flame.

You end up in the ER with a group of people calling for the STROKE team.  You’ve got one person pulling your clothes off, one poking around your arm to find a vein for an IV, another taking your temperature and blood pressure, and few other folks asking you a ton of questions.  You’re speaking but everyone is looking at you with a concerned face because they don’t understand what you are saying.  You hear yourself speak and it doesn’t sound like the words you are trying to communicate.  You begin to cry as the pain continues to get worse.  You have no idea what anyone is saying because it’s all “doctor talk” and from the looks of the small army around you, you begin to think you are going to die.

Laugh /laf/

verb – make the spontaneous sounds and movement of the face body that are instinctive expressions of lively amusement and sometimes also of contempt or derision.
noun – an act of laughing.

Life has its ebbs and flows, for sure. When things are great, smiles and laughter are constant and easy to push out. It’s always easy to laugh when life is good…when love is great. If you look around at people walking in the city, at dinner, in the car beside you at a stoplight…you can easily tell who’s happy and who isn’t. Poor body language and Blank stares. vs. Smiles and handholding. It’s obvious. I love to people watch for that reason. Happy people make me happy. It rubs off on me in an instant.

Love /ləv/

Noun – an intense feeling of deep affection
Verb – Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to

Love. I LOVE to love. I’ll say that time and time again. I’ve always thought love is such a strong word with the potential to have a powerful impact. To feel it is amazing. To say it can be life changing. To hear it from someone can complete you. I’ll never stop myself from loving something or someone out of fear. There’s always a lesson at the end of everything. I love so many things. I’ll get into my love(life) in a later post… or two, or three or how ever many it takes… For now, here are just a few of my loves…