Note: I like to post open letters from time to time. These letters are specifically for the individual and no one else.  The words in these letters are my most sincere feelings during my writing process.  Who knows how long I’ll actually feel what write…all I know is this is how I feel right now…today…in this moment.  Tomorrow, next week, next month…who knows. I just know that TODAY I felt the need to write this.  UmmmmKay?  Just saying…

it’s been way too long since my last post. yeah, i know. maybe i’m a slacker at times. maybe i’ve been too busy living to sit down and finish a post. maybe i’ve been procrastinating on writing because i know i’ve got more to say than i wish to admit. truths? it’s a little bit of each of those things.

there’s a lot going on in my world. well, there’s always a lot going on which, honestly, is why i don’t post as often as i should. that’s really no excuse but it is what it is. i want to share some of it but i know if i write about the people in my life i need to make sure my words aren’t misunderstood. there’s someone i’d like to write about but i’m protective of those i care the most about so i definitely need think long and hard about pushing out a post specifically about this person… and make sure my words are understood prior to posting them. there’s a lot to this blog stuff. it’s not as easy as it may seem to sit and type thoughts on a laptop and push it out to the masses. it’s a pretty big deal.

anyway, i’ve got a ton on my mind today. so much so that i feel restless. my ears are ringing nonstop. my thoughts are all over the place. i’m hella stressed and uncertain about several things that matter… some may say i’m at a crossroads. some may look at my life and think i’m being dramatic. i really don’t care what anyone thinks at this point. i’m going to take a moment and put myself first for a change. let me start by unloading all the bullshit and random things on my mind…

have you ever gone out of your way to help a family member, friend, or stranger and they didn’t say thank you or show any signs of gratitude?  remember that time you let a friend borrow money with the promise of them repaying you two days later only for those two days to come and go with you having to ask for your money back?  do you remember how you felt after realizing they weren’t thankful and made you feel like you were asking to borrow money from THEM when you asked for YOUR money back?

the truth is rarely pure and simple
so go live your truth… whatever that may be and know it belongs solely to you because we are all unique in the way we move through the ebbs and flows of our so-called life. livlovelaugh-SIG

i know it’s been several minutes, hours, weeks, and months since my last post.  truth is… there’s a lot going on in my life.  i’ve got plenty to say and i will definitely share in the next coming weeks and months. …stay tuned!

first, i want to share this… for the last few months i contemplated moving out of my first home, getting a renter, and buying a second place.  i struggled with the thought of allowing someone, a stranger, to live in the one place i’ve lived in alone and belonging solely to me.

as i taped my final box and prepared for my last night in my first home i was overcome with a stream of emotions.  would he or she appreciate each piece of hardwood as i did?  would the unharmed walls remain immaculate?  would the pang of the heat or A/C turning on sound the same to him or her?  i doubt it but i had to let go of the thought of someone renting my place loving it as much as i have.  there is a ton of attachment to these walls.  this was MY VERY FIRST HOME!!

as i looked out of my bedroom door, i saw a sea of boxes covering my normally spotless, now cluttered home.  a true indication of the life i had and all I have done in the last 8 1/2 years. i walked in with a couch and a kitchen table. i realized i was leaving with a life i didn’t know i’d have… leaving as a respectable professional who worked her way up and has become someone’s boss.  i’m independent and focused.  i’ve got a great circle of friends.  i’ve acquired a strong support system with people i would have never thought would turn out to be my “go to gang” and i’ve maintained the most important friendships i’ve ever had…

There are so many memories in these walls… Good and bad

Friendship.

Who really knows what that means until they are faced with challenges, let downs, broken hearts, and unknowns…

Ever since high school there has been one friend who has ALWAYS been there. He has never sugar-coated his words, never tried to protect me from the truth. His sincerity has taught me the importance of honesty. His integrity has taught me the importance of staying true to myself. His consistency has taught me to become my dreams. His unconditional love and support has taught me the true value of friendship. I am thankful to have such a great friend and extension of support beyond my family.