Note: I like to post open letters from time to time. These letters are specifically for the individual and no one else.  The words in these letters are my most sincere feelings during my writing process.  Who knows how long I’ll actually feel what write…all I know is this is how I feel right now…today…in this moment.  Tomorrow, next week, next month…who knows. I just know that TODAY I felt the need to write this.  UmmmmKay?  Just saying…

it’s been way too long since my last post. yeah, i know. maybe i’m a slacker at times. maybe i’ve been too busy living to sit down and finish a post. maybe i’ve been procrastinating on writing because i know i’ve got more to say than i wish to admit. truths? it’s a little bit of each of those things.

there’s a lot going on in my world. well, there’s always a lot going on which, honestly, is why i don’t post as often as i should. that’s really no excuse but it is what it is. i want to share some of it but i know if i write about the people in my life i need to make sure my words aren’t misunderstood. there’s someone i’d like to write about but i’m protective of those i care the most about so i definitely need think long and hard about pushing out a post specifically about this person… and make sure my words are understood prior to posting them. there’s a lot to this blog stuff. it’s not as easy as it may seem to sit and type thoughts on a laptop and push it out to the masses. it’s a pretty big deal.

anyway, i’ve got a ton on my mind today. so much so that i feel restless. my ears are ringing nonstop. my thoughts are all over the place. i’m hella stressed and uncertain about several things that matter… some may say i’m at a crossroads. some may look at my life and think i’m being dramatic. i really don’t care what anyone thinks at this point. i’m going to take a moment and put myself first for a change. let me start by unloading all the bullshit and random things on my mind…

have you ever gone out of your way to help a family member, friend, or stranger and they didn’t say thank you or show any signs of gratitude?  remember that time you let a friend borrow money with the promise of them repaying you two days later only for those two days to come and go with you having to ask for your money back?  do you remember how you felt after realizing they weren’t thankful and made you feel like you were asking to borrow money from THEM when you asked for YOUR money back?

Laugh-ter.

ˈlaftər/
noun. the act or sound of laughing

Laughter is the key to happiness. Let’s face it folks, if we didn’t laugh we’d all be miserable! Life can only be lived if there’s laughter. We’ve got to laugh through joy and pain…always looking for the silver lining. In our most darkest moments it’s memories of laughter and smiles that bring us back. If we are having a bad day, it only takes that one smile or sound of laughter to turn the day around. You know, like when you hear a baby or small child laugh? That sound makes everything bad disappear, right?! Of course it does! Now, why am I saying all this about laughter??? Well, because until recently I didn’t really understand just how powerful laughter, smiles, and happy people were. Not until I met a particular person who, unknowingly, was just right and right on time…

i know it’s been several minutes, hours, weeks, and months since my last post.  truth is… there’s a lot going on in my life.  i’ve got plenty to say and i will definitely share in the next coming weeks and months. …stay tuned!

first, i want to share this… for the last few months i contemplated moving out of my first home, getting a renter, and buying a second place.  i struggled with the thought of allowing someone, a stranger, to live in the one place i’ve lived in alone and belonging solely to me.

as i taped my final box and prepared for my last night in my first home i was overcome with a stream of emotions.  would he or she appreciate each piece of hardwood as i did?  would the unharmed walls remain immaculate?  would the pang of the heat or A/C turning on sound the same to him or her?  i doubt it but i had to let go of the thought of someone renting my place loving it as much as i have.  there is a ton of attachment to these walls.  this was MY VERY FIRST HOME!!

as i looked out of my bedroom door, i saw a sea of boxes covering my normally spotless, now cluttered home.  a true indication of the life i had and all I have done in the last 8 1/2 years. i walked in with a couch and a kitchen table. i realized i was leaving with a life i didn’t know i’d have… leaving as a respectable professional who worked her way up and has become someone’s boss.  i’m independent and focused.  i’ve got a great circle of friends.  i’ve acquired a strong support system with people i would have never thought would turn out to be my “go to gang” and i’ve maintained the most important friendships i’ve ever had…

There are so many memories in these walls… Good and bad

Today, as I waited at a restaurant for a friend to arrive, I was asked why I am still single.  The conversation went like this…

Me : Ask him, and him, oh and him… Wait! Can’t forget about him.

The Guy: One of the “hims” needs to man up.

Me: Too late for those guys. The right one will come along one day.

The Guy: I hope so because it will be a shame if one doesn’t. I don’t know you but I’m good at spotting quality and you are beyond that. You carry yourself well. Very classy.

Me: Thanks. I try. I’m patient. No worries here. In time. One day.

A very short conversation with a stranger… For the record, he was married. LOL! I thought it was true to form for me though.  That’s the question I get ALL the time.  Married men always ask why I’m single. Single guys ask why I’m single. I ask why I’m single. I guess the answer to everyone, including myself, is simple…

my mind is going nonstop! so, i figured i’d write something before i head out for the evening to clear some of my mind traffic so i can focus on how fantastic i’m going to look in my dress.  🙂  moving on…

a few weeks ago a dear friend of mine sent me the following text:

“hey. do you think you could handle a relationship where the guy was completely honest? Completely”

my response:

“absolutely. in all honesty, being lied to always hurts more than the truth…period”

i thought about his question more throughout my day.  i even asked several women the same question as well as a few male friends. i wanted to know what other people thought about a truly transparent relationship. i was actually very surprised at the responses. i assumed the men would want to know but the women wouldn’t.  Shockingly, the responses were completely opposite of my assumption.  none of the men i asked wanted to know.  NONE! the women, however, wanted to know and seemed to value transparency within a relationship much more than men.